dream cum nightmarishness )
phrasemuffin: Bare: A Pop Opera (Default)
( Aug. 23rd, 2008 12:26 am)
I need one of those days. You know those days where that random person smiles at you, genuinely, and you think 'wow, maybe today isn't totally shit'. I've had only one of those days. Ever. Then again, maybe it was just because he was cute. I don't know anymore; I'm so confused.

But I need one of those days. I'm starting to feel like I'm caving in on myself. Like I'm crumbling under the pressure of the silence weighing down on me. It's a vast expanse of emptiness, let me tell you, and it weighs a fucking tonne. I don't know how much longer I can keep playing the role of Atlas to all these secrets.

I just need one of those days. You know, those days where you rescue me? Where the words get spoken and silence lets go? 'Cause I need help. And I've got no heroes left.

___

Joe's 21st tomorrow night. Eep.

Eep, I say.
phrasemuffin: Bare: A Pop Opera (abominations)
( Apr. 10th, 2008 09:55 pm)
... in which David is... oh fuck it.

I'm in a shitty mood, and I don't know why.

Now then, my friend, now to your purpose. Patience; enjoy it - revenge can't be taken haste.

I'm also in a Sweeney Todd soundtrack sort of mood. Mainly because of A Little Priest and Epiphany.

Actually, I do know why. It's because of this whole fucking Jason thing. I feel guilty. Because I unintentionally led him on. And because I'll have to cut him loose eventually. And because he messaged me over MSN while I was cleeaaarrrly both Away AAANNNDDD Busy (it says I'm composing and that I was having dinner... can he not read?). AAANNNDDD smses me to say the exact same thing. Seriously, let go already.

The only thing is... how do I tell him I can't stand (the way I perceive) him now without crushing him? I mean, I know I'm not that awesome a catch, but Jason is... well, to be honest, he at least seems to be a feather weight in the confidence department. If I tell him that I don't want anything more to do with him (because I don't really want another friend like him), I'm pretty sure he'll just retreat even further into his shell. At least Stalker Matt made me angry. Jason's just... ugh, I'm such a bitch.

I'll have Joe to contend with again, too. If he corners me when I'm in a state of less-than-pure sobriety again, I honestly hope I have the will to leave. Of course I'd apologise to everyone else the next day.

Also I feel guilty because I've been super aware of every other male specimen since, like, Tuesday. Seriously, what was it this week at Uni? Hot Man Week? Male Pride Week? Let's Group All The Attractive Young Males Together Dress Them In Skinny Legs And Parade Them In Front Of David Week? On top of that, I'm pretty sure one of the guys at SUMS was flirting with me, though... it is SUMS. (Seriously, I had no idea that choirs were this smutty. Thank god it wasn't this way at school, though... at least, in my year it wasn't).

Also, I'm angry I've done this both to myself and Jason. This isn't how it's supposed to go down. I should know - it's common knowledge that Basses go down, and as I am a Bass, I therefore have practical knowledge in the hows of goings down. So there. But it sucks because I'm jealous of this other guy who had it all happen the Right Way. And it was adorable, and it's that that I want, not sleazy come-ons while drunk, failed dates and obligation to friends and their boyfriends.

This isn't how romance works.
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phrasemuffin: Bare: A Pop Opera (abominations)
( Apr. 5th, 2008 03:33 pm)
... in which David makes a decision.

Seeing as I woke up this morning to a throbbing jaw, with pain splintering off into the base of my skull and my right ear, I have cancelled tonight. Jason still hasn't replied though, which is weird.

I still blame Joe.
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... in which David eats his words.

So much for not Liking Jason at all. We have a second date Saturday night. I think. Details have not been finalised.

I half want to call in sick and never talk to him again, though. He added me to MSN the other day, and we started talking, and all of a sudden he's being all cutesy and *hugs*ing me... it was really weird. I mean, sure, if I'd said something I was obviously bummed over, you're totally free to *hugs* me. BUT he did it completely out of the blue, after a lull in the conversation. Bit of a turn off, if you ask me. He just suddenly became this clingy, cutesy OLD MAN in my mind.

Needless to say, I didn't think it was appropriate for our first online conversation.

Then again, I could just be sabotaging myself by reading too deeply into it? I don't know. Since then, I've just been thinking "What if we turn out like Kelly and Lynn, and can't ever see each other again when out?", and I don't really like thinking that. Thankfully he's a friend of a friend, so it wouldn't be as bad, but there's still that possibility.

Stupid Joe and his meddling. It's all his fault.

:(
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