This going to sounds absolutely crazy, I promise you, but... whenever I promise someone something, it always feels like an empty promise. I have every intention of fulfilling that promise, but it's like some small part of me, tucked away up the back where the lights don't quite reach, some little splinter of my self that doesn't ever socialise with the Greater Self, knows best. He (or she) adds a few tiny drops of despair to the final concoction to just-wrongly flavour the pronouns and verbs; they taste like salt afterwards, and they curl down out of my mouth under the weight of their doubts.

He (or she) doesn't even believe you'll think this is crazy; just par for the course.
... in which I expose myself.

1. My second biggest fear is of suddenly waking up. Mainly because I think that I'll find out I blacked out while walking, and that I'll have woken up in hospital with tubes every whichwhere, covered in blood. (Would it all be mine?)

2. My third biggest fear is that my memory is not complete. (Where was I when that girl went missing?)

3. Sometimes - this is going to be one of those "David is a freak" moments, by the way - sometimes I feel a sort of second skin surrounding me; when I've mentioned wings and tails and snakes and those spider-like legs that protrude from my back and... all the ones I can't remember, those were second skins. It's sort of like I'm wearing a suit, but it's also me, to the extent that I can sort of lose my mind to it, go a little bit primitive. Necks look particularly delicious at moments such as these. (I can practically taste your skin, smell your sweat from here.)

4. My fourth biggest fear is that I'm not as Good as I think I am. Sometimes, I wonder what I'm capable of. Sometimes, I think I could just sink my teeth in and not let go. (Those moans sound almost sexual. Almost... but not quite.)

5. Sometimes, I'm filled with this hunger. It's a like a gaping cavern in the pit of my soul that I know won't ever be filled. I don't know what it wants, but in the quiet moments, I hear it. It yawns in silence, but it echoes. (God I need to eat some... thing.)

6. My biggest fear is that, when I hit my head last year, when I knocked myself out on the road, I woke up wrong. (Better.)
phrasemuffin: Bare: A Pop Opera (hidden camera)
( Sep. 30th, 2008 02:50 pm)
... in which there is annoyance that my dreams all seem to be becoming b-grade horror flicks.

Last night was supposed to just be a normal party. I mean, the music was fine, the alcohol wasn't too expensive, and the club itself was actually pretty ritzy; lots of red and gold, huge archways, maze-like corridors - my idea of a swanky place. The elevators could have been bigger, but... I'm getting sidetracked. I had my friends with me* and everything was good, until they came.

There was oddly colourful gas, and then there was panic. The squids were coming. We had no idea why they would attack us or the building we were in - it's not like we were a particular threat to them or anything, and it's not like we would have given them any sort of tactical advantage for when they went to take over everyone else... at least as far as I could see.

Still, they came. They came and we ran. We took the elevator to another floor, which didn't help at all because the squids weren't just taking our floor - they were taking the entire building. I knew that if we'd gone to the ground floor lobby we'd find the big glass doors sealed, so we went to the parking lot on one of the other floros to find our car so we could hide out until they left.

We soon found out that that wouldn't work, because no one could remember where we'd parked, or if we'd even driven in to begin with. The squids found us in the lot and we had to run again. Some of us thought we would be able to hide under the cars, and K was one of them. It didn't make any sense though, because lying under a car put you on their level in their direct line of sight. The squids were, after all, less than a metre tall, and their eyes were actually on their tentacles. Or they had spares there. Either way - they could see the people under the cars, and quickly surrounded them. K realised the flaw in the plan before they got to her and we ran back to the elevator together.

Once back up on our original floor, we found everyone had sort of... slowed down. it was like the whole room had been put in slow motion except for K and I. The colourful gases had settled a bit, and a lot of the people in the room were sitting at the bar or were lying on the floor or the couches, clutching their stomachs. Anyone who's seen Alien would have been able to figure out what was going to come next. I had, so I could, so we didn't stick around to see the hosts explode in a flash of blood and squiddery.

Our only option was... well, we didn't actually have any options. So we ran to the elevators again, and hid, and hoped that no squid would find us.

*i.e. I had [ profile] kayloulee and a bunch of expendables. In fact, I think I may have either been K for a little while, or K became the main character in my dream and I was ousted to the post of Audience Member.
phrasemuffin: Bare: A Pop Opera (Default)
( Aug. 23rd, 2008 12:26 am)
I need one of those days. You know those days where that random person smiles at you, genuinely, and you think 'wow, maybe today isn't totally shit'. I've had only one of those days. Ever. Then again, maybe it was just because he was cute. I don't know anymore; I'm so confused.

But I need one of those days. I'm starting to feel like I'm caving in on myself. Like I'm crumbling under the pressure of the silence weighing down on me. It's a vast expanse of emptiness, let me tell you, and it weighs a fucking tonne. I don't know how much longer I can keep playing the role of Atlas to all these secrets.

I just need one of those days. You know, those days where you rescue me? Where the words get spoken and silence lets go? 'Cause I need help. And I've got no heroes left.


Joe's 21st tomorrow night. Eep.

Eep, I say.
... in which David tells a story.

An Odd First

I can't believe I did it. Last night. My First. My First boy. A guy I've been seeing at the clubs a lot lately, speaking to a bit. I think I might have seen him on campus once or twice, too... but that's not really the point, is it?! I just lost my virginity!!

Well, actually, yeah, it was last night, but I'm still here. I'm still lying in bed with him. It's still dark. He's still sleeping. I'm just watching his chest rise and fall, just breathing him in. I can't believe I'm here. Right here. He looks so good. Even better now, at six, than he did last night. How?! He has perfect hair, even his bed hair is gorgeous. I hate that about him, but, you know, in a good way. In a really good way. Fuck, in such a good way that I'm smiling, almost giggling, at the fact that I hate him for his gorgeous hair. ARGH! I JUST LOST MY VIRGINITY!! And to Perfect Hair With Blue Eyes! Huzzah!!

Good god he smells good. )


phrasemuffin: Bare: A Pop Opera (Default)


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