Jason...

[phrasemuffin]

... in which David is... oh fuck it.

I'm in a shitty mood, and I don't know why.

Now then, my friend, now to your purpose. Patience; enjoy it - revenge can't be taken haste.

I'm also in a Sweeney Todd soundtrack sort of mood. Mainly because of A Little Priest and Epiphany.

Actually, I do know why. It's because of this whole fucking Jason thing. I feel guilty. Because I unintentionally led him on. And because I'll have to cut him loose eventually. And because he messaged me over MSN while I was cleeaaarrrly both Away AAANNNDDD Busy (it says I'm composing and that I was having dinner... can he not read?). AAANNNDDD smses me to say the exact same thing. Seriously, let go already.

The only thing is... how do I tell him I can't stand (the way I perceive) him now without crushing him? I mean, I know I'm not that awesome a catch, but Jason is... well, to be honest, he at least seems to be a feather weight in the confidence department. If I tell him that I don't want anything more to do with him (because I don't really want another friend like him), I'm pretty sure he'll just retreat even further into his shell. At least Stalker Matt made me angry. Jason's just... ugh, I'm such a bitch.

I'll have Joe to contend with again, too. If he corners me when I'm in a state of less-than-pure sobriety again, I honestly hope I have the will to leave. Of course I'd apologise to everyone else the next day.

Also I feel guilty because I've been super aware of every other male specimen since, like, Tuesday. Seriously, what was it this week at Uni? Hot Man Week? Male Pride Week? Let's Group All The Attractive Young Males Together Dress Them In Skinny Legs And Parade Them In Front Of David Week? On top of that, I'm pretty sure one of the guys at SUMS was flirting with me, though... it is SUMS. (Seriously, I had no idea that choirs were this smutty. Thank god it wasn't this way at school, though... at least, in my year it wasn't).

Also, I'm angry I've done this both to myself and Jason. This isn't how it's supposed to go down. I should know - it's common knowledge that Basses go down, and as I am a Bass, I therefore have practical knowledge in the hows of goings down. So there. But it sucks because I'm jealous of this other guy who had it all happen the Right Way. And it was adorable, and it's that that I want, not sleazy come-ons while drunk, failed dates and obligation to friends and their boyfriends.

This isn't how romance works.

Comments

[goblinpaladin.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I hope things get better for you, man.

[phrasemuffin.livejournal.com]

Thanks B.

Btw, I wanted to convey similar sentiments to you, but to be honest, I didn't know how. The cryptically worded post and all the comments in the same not-actualy-saying-anything format made me feel like an expression not in that format would be out of place, and, given the fact that you hadn't said anything specific, quite possibly not something you wanted to receive anyway. And I couldn't think of a way to say what I wanted to say without actually saying it (plus I didn't want you to think I wasn't being serious, despite everyone else's comments being in said format). Paranoia and over-thinking things - bad combination.

So, as I was going to say before, if you need to talk, let me know. If you want to just chill with someone in complete silence, let me know. If you need anything I can provide, let me know.

*hugs*

[goblinpaladin.livejournal.com]

...mew. Thank you. That means a lot.

*hugs back*

I'll try and organise to meet up. I suddenly have a lot more spare time. Mew.

[phrasemuffin.livejournal.com]

Mmm, this wine has a bit of an oaky afterbirth.

Sounds like a plan to me. :)

I know this is becoming an odd refrain, but have you given any more thought to the sketchcrawling? Are there many Sydenites interested/likely to be interested?

[goblinpaladin.livejournal.com]

Oh that. No, I hadn't. Um. There are a few, but I think we should wait until... you know. Thing. Until I feel social again, basically.

[phrasemuffin.livejournal.com]

That seems a fair call.

Let me know when you're up for being Around and I will totally be People.

[goblinpaladin.livejournal.com]

Duly noted; and appreciated.