phrasemuffin | Entries tagged with boys

I somehow forgot I had a dreamwidth, but I'm going to try and use it instead of LJ more often. If I can figure out how to get my LJ Friends List to display on my DW Reading Page, that is. Is that possible? If so, how do I do it? It'll seriously help with keeping track of both my LJ accounts (I hate signing in, so I prefer to leave them on Remember Me, but I can only do that for one of them; if I use DW to watch my phrasemuffin FList, I can use LJ to watch the spiderspun one :D).

In other news, Pat and Paul have an "expiry date" - their lease runs out in four months, so they'll be taking a break/breaking up then. Until then, though... it seems like things are just pretty weird between them. At least on Pat's end - from what I've heard, Paul seems pretty blase about it, and Pat isn't exactly the happiest of chaps at the moment. I pretty much just want to give him a week-long hug and keep telling him that everything will be ok. After all, it's not like I can say anything else: if I say that it's all for the best and that they really aren't suited for one another, I'm encouraging that they break up, which can be construed as angling to get him all to myself; if I say that he should stick it out with Paul and see how things go, it can be construed as rejecting Pat from before he's even had a chance to... whatever. So we stick with hugs. I like hugs; I don't much like minefields. And I think Pat is aware of the position it puts me in because he's been trying to not bring it up in conversations. He can't help that it's always on his mind, along with tonnes of other crap, but he's trying to keep me out of it and I appreciate that.

I think I've come to a decision about Pat: I can trust him. I think what Rob told me about Pat just unnerved me, but I've come to realise that everything Rob told me, I already knew. He didn't actually tell me about anyone new, I just didn't realise they were the same person; the straight guy that Pat "seduced" is the same guy that he had an affair with for three months that I already knew about. I'm still not sure of everything, but I think I can trust that Pat is not the stealthy, cunning corruptor I thought he might be, laying traps over time and waiting for me to fall.

I'm still not sure if I want a relationship with Pat though. I know I have feelings for him, but I'm not sure of their extent. I did know their extent last year when I had a crush on him, but then I found out about Paul. That didn't stop Kenny from wanting the two of us to get it on, but it did stop me. Now, while there may not be a Paul for much longer, those feelings have been buried for so long that I'm not sure they even still exist. I love Pat, but it's possible I've pulled a Reverse David on myself.

The more comfortable I get with Pat, the more I think I'll flirt with him. Not consciously, just... out of habit; reflexively. It's what I do, and it's what he and I have always done. This might be a bad thing on more than one level, but... I already miss flirting with Pat.

I need to make decisions.

Current Music: River and Moon - Elixir

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... in which David has a newfound appreciation for elevators.

Saturday - Quang's 21st. Really good night, and I love some of the photos that were taken. Cyn and I spent the day in the city putting together his present (he's in chocsoc, so... we made a bit of a hamper for him). Met some really cool people at the party, and then a couple of us went to Pancakes on the Rocks after.

Sunday - Had dinner with Amy and Kelly and Rosanna and her kid. Thai was pretty good. Rosanna took Alec home while the three of us went drinking. Champers at the Ashy - is there anything classier? Did something really stupid on the way home.

Monday - woke up feeling like crap. Wasn't just a hangover - I've been feeling sick for three days now. Wonder if it's a reaction to the Thai or anxiety over the Stupidity. Or both. Both started AND finished my essay for Music and Politics.

Tuesday - still feeling sick, went to uni. Had to drop off an essay for Politics to the Seymour Centre, and on my way in, Pete, the guy behind the front desk, told me to cheer up. "Just for you, Pete." Went up, did my stuff, and got back into the elvator. Another guy got in with me and, as he was kind of cute, I checked him out a little bit and looked away. And then he looked over at me and looked away. And then I looked over at him and he looked over at me and we shared a smile. And it was nice. Then we got off the elevator and I let him go through the door first, which I guess he found cute because it made him turn around and laugh and say thanks. Then we started talking, but we were interupted by someone from one of his classes walking down the corridor the other way; he totally tried to steal the guys attention! So I thought I'd just bow out gracefully and head out on my own, but every time I took a step, the guy sort of came with me, so I got the impression he wasn't ready to leave me just yet. So we walked out of Seymour still talking, but our paths had to part (looked like he was going to go down to Redfern, while I was going to Ralph's to meet Alex), sadly. So we said quick goodbyes and left.

However! Upon getting to the other side of Seymour, there I see him coming my way. Awesome. So we talk as we cross City Road. And then we talk our way through Victoria Park ("Oh, I can go through this way, yeah. Just have to move my car.") And we talk our way up to the front lawns. That's when we decide to introduce ourselves (his name is Oscar), but it's also where we have to finally part ways, because it'd be even more obvious if he'd said that he could go my way <i>via Manning</i> to get to his car which was probably on the other side of the footbridge.

The annoying thing is, though, that I could have spent the next while with him. Turns out Alex had to cancel on me for lunch, which I understand, but I wish she'd let me know about ten minutes earlier, i.e. before I left Oscar. Still, I know where he'll be next Tuesday at 12, so...

Oh, and to finish off the story, I ended up going back to the Seymour Centre with the biggest grin on my face. Ok, so it's kinda lame (but very me) to admit that, but I had such a good time in that ten or fifteen minutes that I couldn't help it. Plus, I didn't feel sick while I was with him. At all! Which was an extra happy bonus.

Wednesday - felt like crap when I woke up again for about ten minutes, then I got really hungry. Hunger, it seems, masks the squirrelly squirrelly madness in my belly. How lovely it is to know that all I have to do is take up anorexia to make everything better. The joy. Also, I decided that I wouldn't go to choir tonight for a couple of reasons: sick-feeling, pub afterwards always makes me want to spend money I no longer have, and six and a half hour breaks with no highlyeccentric are just not on. I probably could have found other people to hang with (such as K or maybe B... possibly even some of my nonLJ friends, shock horror), but the other two reasons were pretty strong reasons. Also, it's christmas carols, so they're going to get old quickly - any excuse to get out of the non-compulsory rehearsals is good by me.

And that brings me to now. Oh, but I did download a handful of gay themed movies during the last week or so and now have none left. The ones I downloaded were Shortbus (with Jay Brannan! :D), Edge of Seventeen (80s! Yay!), Tan Lines (Australian, and with a friend of a friend in it!), Phoenix (with no ending... what?), Holding Trevor (with Jay Brannan! :D) and What Can I Do With A Male Nude (which is less a movie, more a distopian photography film... but it does have some really nice shots!). Edge is my pick, possibly because a couple of times I related pretty strongly to the main guy, but also just because it was sweet and sad and heartbreaking and painful and it didn't try to have a fairy tale ending, though it wasn't exactly tragic. Shortbus is explicit as hell and makes little sense, but there are some really nice moments in it, so it ties for second with Holding Trevor even though it too has some flaws. I think I may need to go hunting again soon.

Current Music: the squirrels in my belly

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... in which paranoia hits.

So... last night was the concert. It was so much better than I thought it would be. Dread was completely and utterly the wrong emotion to be experiencing in the lead up to the event - it was better than Requiem. Because, duh, ~~I'm~~ we're awesome.

However, either just before we went on, or on my way back from intermission mingling, I heard Crazy Eyes talking to his parents. From what I accidentally overheard (I swear it an accident - as if I would purposely pay attention to him or his non-awesome insanity), I think one of those "so is there any chance" questions was posed. The bit of his answer that I just-as-accidentally caught was "no, he's too nice of a guy". It may have just been coincidence that he was facing me at the time, and I know I tend to jump to conclusions about him (even though every conclusion thus far has been both warranted and correct!), but I can't seem to shake the feeling that he was talking about me.

I HAVE A TINY BOWTIE AND IT HAS GIVEN ME AN INFERIORITY COMPLEX! Because it was from when I was like 12 and therefore could sort of hide beneath my collar. My only other optio nwas velvet. I chose the cute inferiority complex.

I really hope he isn't doing carolfest. That'd totally suck. I think I'd have to go and become a Tenor. At least then I'd be able to hang around Patrick more often... if he ever decides to come back. And even if not, there'd still be Ben and Doug to play with. Plus, Aunty Mark is over there now... sigh, the life of a bass always looked so glamorous in the magazines. Also, what was with Aunty Mark not being as confident last night as he usually is? That was really quite disconcerting. Even Crazy Eyes was losing it at times.

But back to the paranoia, I don't get why he'd be saying I was too nice a guy. For what? To tell him to his face, again, that I'm not interested, because that'd break his heart? 'Cause, clearly he doesn't know me very well - I would totally tell him if he brought it up. I wouldn't just come out and say "Hey, I know you like me like me, but please fuck off and die" because that'd be way harsh. Also, I don't know for a fact that he does; it's all circumstantial at this point, still/again. And, yeah, I can't think of any other reason why I'd be too nice. Perhaps it wasn't about me; perhaps this time it really IS just paranoia.

He was doing the weird Lets ~~Look~~ Stare At David While He's Conveniently Not Looking At Me And Never Wonder Why It Is That Our Eyes Don't Ever Meet Ever Ever Ever.

Ever.

Despite The Fact That He Must Be Able To See Me Out Of The Corner Of His Eye thing again last night, though. And on stage! Crazy Eyes, when will you learn?

Sigh. Please let this be the last time I feel the need to be a whiney bitch about Crazy Eyes, on LJ or anywhere else! Otherwise... yeah, it's Tenor Time.

PCP afterwards was fun though. I'm SOOOOOO glad

kayloulee came along!! It is fun to get drunk in your presence. Or tipsy, even, whichever it was (I tend to exaggerate my drunkenness when I get tipsy). Thankfully I had nothing on this morning though otherwise that hangover would have been shocking to work through. Instead, I slept through it. It was a relatively short one, too - I was awake by 10 am! But yes, I was made much glad that you came and partook in the pub-y-ness. :D

Hmmm... I really don't like abrupt endings to lj posts.

Current Music: Credo - Petite Messe Solonelle (sp?) - in my head

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... in which there are more pirates.

Namely, me:

David Faber, your pirate name is
Buckaneer Green Beard
What is YOUR pirate name?

I like that, seeing as how the lovely

sjazzmreow said my name was dark green and black (with a dash of brown around the v). Also, I misread beard as bard the first time.

Also, as of about an hour ago, I think I gave my aunt the go ahead to take further steps in the matter of The Ambo. I'm not sure what she took it as though, as I made it clear that I'm really not one for phones, and he wouldn't be able to find my facebook if he tried (privacy up the whazoo). So... I'm thinking he's going to get my mobile number and then... I don't know; we'll see, I guess. I'll probably give him my email so I'll actually be able to communicate with him.

Still, it's a start! Of sorts.

Current Music: Plain Jane Fat Ass - Bare: A Pop Opera

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... in which there shall be no sexual innuendo. :(

I am weak. Clearly, there is no other explanation for it. Not weak of body, mind; weak of will. All I have to do is click a mouse button three times on the same facebook page and all will be over. Problem is that the buttons are "Add as Friend" buttons. That the friends-to-be are relatives. That they hail from the maternal bloodline. And that I've heard some of them discussing, with poison on their tongues, the vileness of faggots.

I am weak. I have already decided not to hide it once they're added, but... it's the adding that I'm having trouble with, so that minor bravery is somewhat pointless at the moment. So, clearly, there is no other explanation for it.

On the semi-plus side, though, my aunt told me last night about a friend who has a friend who has a brother. He's 21, an ambo, and hasn't had a "friend" before. Only thing is that I'm, you know, shit scared about meeting people and having to actually talk. I thought I was over that... seems not. Especially my fear of phones - I never know what to say, which is why I never randomly call people just to chat. If I want to just chat, I'll type it. There's just this sense of obligation that surrounds phone-based conversations. And that sense of obligation is spreading to the potential ambo - because my aunt has gone and made this connection on my behalf, I feel like I have to at least talk to him out of obligation to her, which means I could feel obligated to do anything else (up to and including a date - no obligation sex! that's just wrong). And that's sort of how the whole Jason thing ended up not quite ending, strictly speaking; obligation to Joe. Which, yes, is fucked up, but there you go.

On the plusser side, Kelly has a friend of a friend she wants to introduce me to who is in a similar situation to the ambo - a 22 year old electrician (or other tradey type, which equals looks and money according to Kelly, which are bonuses not requirements) from Wollongong who isn't quite out of the closet yet, even to himself she thinks. I think she said his name was Matt (there are far too many Matts, but I do like the name, and being a David I don't think I can really talk about over-used names). Kelly wants to have something at her place to celebrate the end of renovations/uni/which ever it is at the time, to which we'd both be invited amongst other people. I do already feel a little intimidated by the looks and money he supposedly sports but that's another matter, and the fact that he's not actually identifying is not a good sign, but this plan seems like far more laid-back with far less obligation than "I'll get you his number and you can have a chat" which freaks the fuck out of me and feels like an arranged date; blind, at the moment, I might add. I mean, come on, I may once again be terrified by phones, but that doesn't mean I don't have a little pride, a little dignity to maintain.

Current Music: Here With Me - Dido

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was supposed to pick up germans for wyd this morning (I know horribly religious ew get it off me - me too, don't worry, B, but I thought potential for hot german catholic boy who needs help getting his tongue around the English language ;) except not quite so slutty school girl) but... something happened don't know what. Still, I agreed to help so went 'round the corner to my primary school/church-combo and helped with the Welcome morning tea thing. Figured it wasn't exactly pro-catholicism, just pro-humans anti-David being a dick.

and I was rewarded. what with, you ask? cute german boy who can speak english to a degree, but not exactly an elite. Also, he told one of the girls I was with that he was given his bracelet (somewhat colourful bracelet, one would say) by a boy back in germany. he has blue eyes. not blonde, but I can deal :P

might head back tonight as I didn't really get a chance to talk to him alone which is sad because he seemed more comfortable in a one-on-one rather than three-on-one. will have to try and corner him tonight :P

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Dirty Jokes in Fairy Grottos

Father didn't build that playhouse for us; Father had his own games

oh yeah...

the good the bad the gurgling...

fuck the what, now?

Because all the cool kida are doing it...

hurgh...

running to work

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