Dirty Jokes in Fairy Grottos

... in which there is a spotlight in an otherwise shadowy room, a chair, and two rather angry smoking men who want some damn answers.

Or one pretty non-smoking girl who would like to interview me. Take your pick.

1. Your favourite music when you were thirteen?
Hmm, 13 would make me a Yr 8 kid... to be honest I don't know. I know I sung in the musical Oliver that year. Does that count?

2. First crush: fuzzy memory or embarassing nightmare?
Option three: a girl! "What? Ew!" I hear you say, but I tell you honestly that my first crush was female. Or at least, the first time I thought I had a crush, I thought I had a crush on a girl. I was in Yr 4 though, so it probably wasn't actually a crush. Hmm, I wonder howmany times I can say crush in one answer... CRUSH CRUSH CRUSH. My first proper boy crush still sort of tingles with crushiness. The second and third crushes were closer to nightmarish embarrassment than memoric fuzz, though.

3. Wonderjocks? Good idea or barking mad?
The WONDERJOCK!! highlyeccentric and I once spent an entire thread detailing a stall we would set up inside/outside/inside/on Bosch (a building on campus) at which we would conduct Serious Scientific Experiments on the effects of the Wonderjock. It claims to enhance the appearance of the male package (read: size of bulge), so I'm sure you can all imagine the sorts of experiments and hands-on research we would have had to conduct.

As for my answer: I don't see the point - as soon as your boy or girl gets them off (or you get them off for your boy or girl), the illusion would be shattered and disappointment would be had, thus ruining the moment and ending any possibility of sex occurring between you and said boy or girl that night/day/time period. Clearly then they are barking mad. Also, I would be worried about how obvious they made things while fully clothed.

4. Fictional character you'd happily marry?
Assuming I lived in California OH WAIT NO THAT DOESN'T APPLY ANYMORE. Assuming I lived somewhere gay marriage was all good, I'd marry Peter from Bare (once he was old enough :p). Sadly, there really aren't enough heroes who are queer. Actually, I can't think of too many male characters, gay or straight, for whom I swoon. I'd love to marry someone like Spider (Anansi Boys - Neil Gaiman) if I were of the right gender he were of the right persuasion, but I'd constantly be wishing that I had those kinds of powers and he'd probably get sick of me asking him to do stuff for me. I might go for Tristan (Stardust - Neil Gaiman), actually - we'd be on equal footing, magically speaking, but we'd get to live in a world where even not-particularly-magical beings get to use magic. I'd prefer running water, though, actually.

5. What's your Happy Music?
I actually don't have Happy Music. There's Katie Noonan and a couple others who I'll play when I'm positively charged, but nothing I have undoes a negative charge. Some of my music gets me dark and supercharged (mainly The Butterfly Effect or, oddly enough, Evanescence - there's just something in there that I respond to), making me feel like I should be looking up at people from my hung head while smiling twistily, demonically, with eyes rolled back into my skull - it's a power trip. Some of my music gets me to the brink of tears (Absolution from Bare being a prime example), which can be cathartic I guess. And there's some stuff that just makes me feel like writhing in my skin in a solo dance of aural, mental sex (Army of Me by Bjork, and also Play Dead, come to mind; don't ask me why). But I don't really have Happy Music for use in cases of emergency. I might try Pilgrim's Hands next time I need Happy Music, actually - it's so heart-warming when Peter jumps in to help. Sigh...


If anyone would like to interviewed by me, feel free to ask!

... in which David is the worst university student EVER!

Why, you ask? Because for my last essay, which I handed in two days late (incurring a 4% penalty), I referenced Wikipedia. Not once, not twice, but thrice! (Also, for one of them, the reference was bogus; I did not get my information there, but could not remember which page I had seen it on.) So while the late fee costs me practically nothing, given that my essay on the post-Beatles works of John Lennon is full of references to a dodgily verified Participatory Media source, four songs, a YouTube clip of an interview and only one real, actual, proper source... well, I think you get the picture. The other essay I had due on Monday was not actually an essay; it was liner notes for a compilation CD of songs related to a political issue. Mine? Prop 8 and Gay Marriage. 46 minutes of music (though I would have liked to have had a lot more on there), 1500 words discussing how the music relates to gay marriage (both lyrics AND the actual music). Was one of the best assignments I've ever had to do.

In other news, I'M FINISHED! Sure, I still have two subjects to complete next year, but they're basically just performing in SUMS and writing two essays (total - one each semester)so I'M FINISHED! Graduation ceremony is ONE YEAR AWAY! (+/- small fragments of time)

Thirdylymost, my braces come off in two weeks from yesterday. You do not know how many kitten-like balls bundles of joy this fills me with. Four years of orthodental torture, prepare to be smited... smoted... smitten?

High fives? :D

Last week I was likened to an accessory - something pretty that everyone wants to play with. I suspect it was meant as a compliment. It was not received as such, possibly because I feel like that sometimes. Then again, maybe it just wasn't a nice thing to say.

Yesterday, while I wasn't there, someone else told another someone else that I help with matters of the brain, and then told me (when I got there) that I always get her out of trouble. I like that that trumps the accessory analogy.

Paintball was fun, but painful. We went for Theodora's 21st, and it required waking up far too early because it was in Rouse Hill, but it was good. Some of the group were scarily into it; Cyn and I contemplated what games like paintball reflect from society, and then went and shot people. I think I got one or two people the entire day. I was only 'killed' twice, but I kept running out of ammunition, so I had to get off the field. Most of the hits on me just bounced off, which meant they hurt more than when they explode (which is how you're 'killed' - they leave a "wound"). Theo got me on the visor across my left eye; she was on my team; it may have been ricochet as she was behind me. Thankfully, the only marks I have on me are a bruise on my right shin bone and maybe two on my left side across my lower rib, however my legs are killing me today. Also, the army-style onesies didn't fit anyone except Cyn.

I had another interview on Tuesday, before uni, for a calls job. They were supposed to call me by Thursday to let me know what's going on with training this Wednesday, but I haven't heard from them, so I'll call tomorrow. Also have to call about my 21st venue. Anyway, hopefully this means I have a new job with decent pay. After that, I had a group presentation for Politics; Julie and I wanted to kill Andrew because he'd pretty much looked at what we were doing and decided to go off on a completely irrelevant tangent designed to illustrate how evil and wrong the organisation we were looking at is, purely to start a fight. Pretty sure we hurt his feelings half an hour before we were up only to get him to realise he was damaging the group, which did deflate him for the better, but he still energised the audience; most of them didn't like him to begin with, so what he said was still enough to get them to fight him. Wish he'd just listened in the first place.

Oh, and the Dead Letter Chorus album launch was last night! WOOT! It went swimmingly, if you ignore the sound guy (who should have been shot for Violence Against Music). Almost the whole family was there, which was really nice, and we ended up buying both the album and their EP. We bought the EP once before, but it was mysteriously lost the same night before we got home. I really wish Mike was the vocalist, not Cam, but I guess Cam can't help not being as tonal as others. And Gabby's voice is still amazing :D

... in which David has to build himself a new disposition.

This week I've been looking for a new job. Harry's only been able to give me one shift a week, so it's been pretty bad lately for me, especially with the crazy numbers of 21sts I've had/will have soon. I still can't believe I spent $500 in one week... I just don't do that! Well, not usually; clearly I have done it. But that is a slight detour - I have been looking for a job, and therefore have been handing out resumes.

To be accurate though, I have actually only given out two, and one of them was given back to me. The first place that was accepting resumes was my localest Angus and Robertson; it was the first place I hit, and I was completely unprepared mentally, which I didn't realise until I was there talking to the girl behind the desk. It didn't help that she just popped up as I was walking up to her - I'd thought I'd have at least a minute to figure out what I'd say while she walked over from whatever dark corner she'd been lurking in. But no. Still, she took the resume and it actually looked promising.

Then I hit EB Games. I think I said something like "Hey, um... ... I'm looking for a job... I was just wondering if you guys have a... special way of doing that..." (as in hand in a resume, application form, or online, but I didn't say that) (and yes, that double ... was an exceptionally long pause); clearly I was still unprepared. Dude Behind Desk was cool though, and told me that I should come back the next day when the manager was in and hand in my resume directly to him. Also told me I should wear shirt and tie to look confident (I'm pretty certain that was because I didn't SOUND confident AT ALL).

Next hit was Dick Smith Electronics, where the guy I spoke to was as much a noobescently bumbling fool as I. Apparently they only work with online applications. I still didn't explain that question, but at least this time when I asked it made me sound like I knew what was may or may not have been going on... sort of. Online, I found that there aren't actually any jobs there anyway, despite Nooby Guy referring to the job I was looking for as 'the' job; not 'a' job, 'the' job.

Everywhere else was kinda lame, and there was no way I'd get a job there anyway; they're all family-run or similar.

Next day I went back to EB and gave the manager my resume. Was completely prepared, and was in shirt and tie, and I have a group interview tomorrow. The idea of a group interview still sort of irks me - mainly because i don't really know how it's going to work - but I have it nonetheless. I asked what I should bring, and Manager said nothing except a copy of my resume, and then handed mine back to me. I found that really really odd, but there you go. Also said I should bring a bright, sunny disposition, but where the buggery am I going to find one of them?

Yesterday and today I was going to go to Burwood and hand out more resumes/applications, but to be honest, I really don't want to. I might go next Monday afternoon. I should; I know that the interview isn't a guarantee that I'll get the job, but I'd like to see how it goes before I move any further in the hunt. It's probably stupid, but there you go.

Tuesday, I might pop down to the Marly to check out their function room after uni. I really need to get on top of my 21st. I might have a chance to check it out tomorrow after the interview, seeing as it's at Broadway and the Marly is Newtown, but I have work at 2 so... we'll see how it goes.

... in which I expose myself.

1. My second biggest fear is of suddenly waking up. Mainly because I think that I'll find out I blacked out while walking, and that I'll have woken up in hospital with tubes every whichwhere, covered in blood. (Would it all be mine?)

2. My third biggest fear is that my memory is not complete. (Where was I when that girl went missing?)

3. Sometimes - this is going to be one of those "David is a freak" moments, by the way - sometimes I feel a sort of second skin surrounding me; when I've mentioned wings and tails and snakes and those spider-like legs that protrude from my back and... all the ones I can't remember, those were second skins. It's sort of like I'm wearing a suit, but it's also me, to the extent that I can sort of lose my mind to it, go a little bit primitive. Necks look particularly delicious at moments such as these. (I can practically taste your skin, smell your sweat from here.)

4. My fourth biggest fear is that I'm not as Good as I think I am. Sometimes, I wonder what I'm capable of. Sometimes, I think I could just sink my teeth in and not let go. (Those moans sound almost sexual. Almost... but not quite.)

5. Sometimes, I'm filled with this hunger. It's a like a gaping cavern in the pit of my soul that I know won't ever be filled. I don't know what it wants, but in the quiet moments, I hear it. It yawns in silence, but it echoes. (God I need to eat some... thing.)

6. My biggest fear is that, when I hit my head last year, when I knocked myself out on the road, I woke up wrong. (Better.)

I'm a member of MUSE now, the musical theatre society. Kenny asked me to join and attend their AGM so they could achieve quoram (?) and get people sworn in, so I did. I think I'm now auditioning to be in Pirates of Penzance for next year as an added side effect. Woot?

Hannah's been freaking out about being Camp Officer for SUMS again next year, but three minutes before rehearsals started, she told me she wants to do it. Weird. So, as we were having our AGM too, I was elected Co Camp Officer (Deputy) with her (Sheriff). I'll do the stressful things, she'll do the fun things. And drive the trailer. I probably won't stress like she has, at least that's our thinking. If I am affected by it, though, I won't know until I wake up with big, bright red Acne Face again like Year 12. I swear I didn't know I was stressed until that hit... and lasted two years. I had such pretty skin up until then.

Also, because I told a friend I would ask around: Is anyone in need of kittens? There are four apparently up for grabs in a little while - they're still too young to leave their mother, but soon they'll be old enough to be pimped out. Because kittens are the whores of the petverse.

... in which boys find themselves alone in an elevator.

A Chapter To Start An Argument By

"she's not a woman; she's a lesbian." - my uncle.

Just one more to add to the list of homophobic things my relatives have said over the years.

... in which we cross the bridge to cut our hands.

Holly's 21st is tonight. Cyn and Matt were supposed to be coming but probably aren't now... which means I'll know no one but Holly (and sort of Luke, her boy); Cyn's sick and Matt had a big night last night. So... fuck. I hate when this happens. At least at Quang's I had Cyn, and at highlyeccentric's I sort of had goblinpaladin, and I met kayloulee. Maybe I can rope Kelly in... it is pretty late notice but


scratch that. Kelly just called; she'll come with. WOOHOO!

... in which David has a newfound appreciation for elevators.

Saturday - Quang's 21st. Really good night, and I love some of the photos that were taken. Cyn and I spent the day in the city putting together his present (he's in chocsoc, so... we made a bit of a hamper for him). Met some really cool people at the party, and then a couple of us went to Pancakes on the Rocks after.

Sunday - Had dinner with Amy and Kelly and Rosanna and her kid. Thai was pretty good. Rosanna took Alec home while the three of us went drinking. Champers at the Ashy - is there anything classier? Did something really stupid on the way home.

Monday - woke up feeling like crap. Wasn't just a hangover - I've been feeling sick for three days now. Wonder if it's a reaction to the Thai or anxiety over the Stupidity. Or both. Both started AND finished my essay for Music and Politics.

Tuesday - still feeling sick, went to uni. Had to drop off an essay for Politics to the Seymour Centre, and on my way in, Pete, the guy behind the front desk, told me to cheer up. "Just for you, Pete." Went up, did my stuff, and got back into the elvator. Another guy got in with me and, as he was kind of cute, I checked him out a little bit and looked away. And then he looked over at me and looked away. And then I looked over at him and he looked over at me and we shared a smile. And it was nice. Then we got off the elevator and I let him go through the door first, which I guess he found cute because it made him turn around and laugh and say thanks. Then we started talking, but we were interupted by someone from one of his classes walking down the corridor the other way; he totally tried to steal the guys attention! So I thought I'd just bow out gracefully and head out on my own, but every time I took a step, the guy sort of came with me, so I got the impression he wasn't ready to leave me just yet. So we walked out of Seymour still talking, but our paths had to part (looked like he was going to go down to Redfern, while I was going to Ralph's to meet Alex), sadly. So we said quick goodbyes and left.

However! Upon getting to the other side of Seymour, there I see him coming my way. Awesome. So we talk as we cross City Road. And then we talk our way through Victoria Park ("Oh, I can go through this way, yeah. Just have to move my car.") And we talk our way up to the front lawns. That's when we decide to introduce ourselves (his name is Oscar), but it's also where we have to finally part ways, because it'd be even more obvious if he'd said that he could go my way <i>via Manning</i> to get to his car which was probably on the other side of the footbridge.

The annoying thing is, though, that I could have spent the next while with him. Turns out Alex had to cancel on me for lunch, which I understand, but I wish she'd let me know about ten minutes earlier, i.e. before I left Oscar. Still, I know where he'll be next Tuesday at 12, so...

Oh, and to finish off the story, I ended up going back to the Seymour Centre with the biggest grin on my face. Ok, so it's kinda lame (but very me) to admit that, but I had such a good time in that ten or fifteen minutes that I couldn't help it. Plus, I didn't feel sick while I was with him. At all! Which was an extra happy bonus.

Wednesday - felt like crap when I woke up again for about ten minutes, then I got really hungry. Hunger, it seems, masks the squirrelly squirrelly madness in my belly. How lovely it is to know that all I have to do is take up anorexia to make everything better. The joy. Also, I decided that I wouldn't go to choir tonight for a couple of reasons: sick-feeling, pub afterwards always makes me want to spend money I no longer have, and six and a half hour breaks with no highlyeccentric are just not on. I probably could have found other people to hang with (such as K or maybe B... possibly even some of my nonLJ friends, shock horror), but the other two reasons were pretty strong reasons. Also, it's christmas carols, so they're going to get old quickly - any excuse to get out of the non-compulsory rehearsals is good by me.

And that brings me to now. Oh, but I did download a handful of gay themed movies during the last week or so and now have none left. The ones I downloaded were Shortbus (with Jay Brannan! :D), Edge of Seventeen (80s! Yay!), Tan Lines (Australian, and with a friend of a friend in it!), Phoenix (with no ending... what?), Holding Trevor (with Jay Brannan! :D) and What Can I Do With A Male Nude (which is less a movie, more a distopian photography film... but it does have some really nice shots!). Edge is my pick, possibly because a couple of times I related pretty strongly to the main guy, but also just because it was sweet and sad and heartbreaking and painful and it didn't try to have a fairy tale ending, though it wasn't exactly tragic. Shortbus is explicit as hell and makes little sense, but there are some really nice moments in it, so it ties for second with Holding Trevor even though it too has some flaws. I think I may need to go hunting again soon.