Dirty Jokes in Fairy Grottos

... in which David rises from his ashes.

Internet was shut off on Friday because my brother neglected to pay the bill. This was quite painful, though it did force me to get the guitar out, along with the casio keyboard and my vocal chords, so perhaps it was a good thing.

Then, Sunday, a couple of us went to a sex shop. the city for lunch. Kelly and I were talking and we have come to the conclusion that we both need boyfriends.

Afterwards, I worked on Project: Ether Engine for a bit. Got the dimensions for the floor panels set, more or less (is a circle with a 1m diameter too small for a chair?). First ring has 8 blocks, second has 12, third has 16. I've even come up with a couple of artefacts for it***: an amethyst pendant used to Find, a ring that controls Movement, a monocle that can show its user Flaws, a hammer that causes things to Work, a cane that causes things to Open, a masquerade mask that causes Invisibility, stones that control Weather (Rain/Hail/Snow, Wind and Lightning), and my absolute favourite (apart from the hammer that makes things Work, oh the irony) the dragon-headed parchment receptacle created for the granting of Wishes, which was for centuries mistaken for a scroll holder - many a scroll was lost to the dragon "inside" (actually to the creature resembling our dragon, on the plane connected to via the workings of the artefact) having sometimes catastrophic affects *cough*Jebus*cough*.

Furthermore, I've come up with a potential reason for the seemingly magical nature of the artefacts, which are in fact not magical... except... well, I guess it isn't really science, but it's not really magic... lets call it religiously tainted phenomena? It involves pre-universe time and two immortal entities: Good and Evil, who would be known today as God and Devil. Except they're more like personifications of the concepts, along the lines of Death and Grandfather Time and Mother Nature... yeah? Or the pagan gods, each having a domain they control. Except not really magic, but apparently not science... they sort of just become religion by default. It's the only way I seem to be able to justify this whole thing, sadly. But, anyway, Good has a weapon (Good's Thunder <-- precursor to/basis of Random Generators) that will destroy Evil and his armies, but Evil steals it and it goes off and it "destroys" all of them: Good, Evil, both their armies, and their battlefield. They are torn apart, down to the subatomic level, but Good and Evil retain their consciousnesses due to their immortality. Their particles then scatter across the universe when it forms in the Big Bang, along with fragments of their colective consciousnesses being tied to the particles. Now, I think you'll agree with me that it'd be hard to keep sane being somewhat aware, if fragmentally, for that amount of time without any sort of rest (how do you sleep when you aren't even, in some cases, a whole atom?) and all alone (I keep thinking Billy***** from Remnants, a series I read when I was younger). So, the particles spread and the minds go wonky, but they learn to semi-cope in the darkness and find a way to sway natural events in order to bring their atoms back together. But, you know, there a lot of atoms in a body. Like, a lot. And Good and Evil, as concepts, are pretty broad strokes of the brush, if you catch my drift. So far, only small deposits of their particles have been formed, and where they form, they lend their host artefact augmented abilities as the distorted/distorting (twisty) energy from the framgented consciousness attached to the displaced particles disrupts the normal flow of a universe they don't belong to. Or something like that. Actually, I just came up with that last bit... does that make it sound any less lame? :( I actually really like the Article (Good's Thunder <-- you'll want to follow that) I wrote up to explain it, but... I dunno, I want the whole thing to be more scientifical.

B? (Or anyone else?) Any suggestions? You are my resident Person Who Would Know These Things.




*** I just realised something. Everytime I think of "artefacts", I now associate them with the "objects" found in a t.v. show called The Lost Room. I was going to link to the wiki page for The Lost Room to see if anyone had seen it/heard of it/understood the scissors (which I worked out while writing this post! :P The rotate things... they're scissors!), but then I came across this:
"Another (though not necessarily contradictory) view of the phenomenon suggests that reality was somehow shattered at the location of the Room, thus separating it and everything in it from time and giving its contents metaphysical abilities. Should the items be collected and returned to the room by an individual, that person would then have complete control over reality. This theory works under the assumption that the one gathering the objects has the knowledge to utilize them properly. Since the Objects are just considered tools, they would do no good if the user were unaware of their paranormal functions." - the wikipedia page for The Lost Room
This is so very similar to the original concept, the current concept, and the Creation Story that sprang from them, that I can only assume someone has read my thoughts and turned them into Hollywood. That's naughty.

***** "Billy Weir: Billy is a true enigma. Originally a Chechnyan orphan, Billy is adopted by a Texan family. He was born Ruslan, but his father, Billy Weir Senior, aka, Big Bill, changed his name to Billy. At times it seems that Billy has infinite power, and has a strong connection with Mother. Early in the series he was carried around the computer generated world by Jobs thereby fusing friendship with Jobs that is persistent throughout the series. Long before the Mayflower, Billy dreamt of events that would unfold over 5 centuries later. While in hibernation, Billy did not sleep, and was awake for the journey. The ordeal twisted his mind, giving him telekinesis, the power to levitate, and many other strange abilities. These abilities make Billy a match for Mother, to the point where they assimilate to become one. Billy dies in the re-greening ritual: it is possible he may have survived, but 2Face's attack and the subsequent energy Billy spends to drain her life force may have contributed to his death. He is dubbed "Billy Weird" by many of his enemies (which amounts to anyone seeking control of the ship)." - the wikipedia page for Remnants